I'm not sad about losing my legs anymore. That ended about 10 months after the accident. I'll explain it in another post, but the undramatic story is, I defeated thems demons and moved on. One thing that has stuck with me though, is the realization that I can't do a lot of the things I used to do. So much was taken for granted. The thing is, this is reality for everybody...if you didn't lose your legs yet, you will one day. We all will eventually not be able to do what we can do right now. Old age, death, illness, or even just commitments and priorities, will make this the only time to appreciate things while doing them. There's a reason I'm making this list, and it's not to make people with legs feel like they should use theirs, because I haven't got any. When I pass by the forest sometimes, I get this desire to just grab a backpack and disappear into them for a week or so. Given my limitations onthe mobility fornt, it's not very feasible. Yet, that urge, that desire, is what feeds this urgency to explore everything I can do. It's a big part of the reason I do these endurances races and why I'm pushing for more and more. It's a big beautiful world and I don't want to just wish I'd seen it. There is always something you CAN do. Infinite things, actually. Go find them instead of feeling upset about the relatively few things you can't do, or worrying about things you can't do anything about. In this spirit of finding what things I desire, a list of what I'd do if I got my legs back. Here's a few things I'd do tomorrow: I wake up and realize I have 2 legs again. I've got a new hip, two new knees, ankles, feet, and ten toes again.
1) I look at them for a long time, moving them about. I'm fascinated by how they work, that they are mine. No mechanical system comes even close to replicating this functionality. Prosthetics, by comparison, SUCK - they do not even compare. Trust me I use them - don't believe the hype.
2) The thought that my feet look ugly, or my ankles = kankly, or my stance bowlegged, doesn't enter anywhere into my mind. I could give a shit if these legs are the ugliest two on the planet because I know the importance of them just existing.
3) I sprint towards a body of water and jump in. It don't matter how cold it is; I'd run back out and do some kinda jitterbug slash pee pee dance to warm up. There's something about running down a beach and into the water that I could do over and over and over again. It's great.
4) Dance. I didn't ever dance much, certainly not sober or in public, but I would freakin' dance my brains out.
5) Go buy socks...the coziest socks ever made. Probably wool and colorful, come up to my thighs - I don't care. They would go on my feet but not right away. First, I'd go find a lawn or big field. Something natural but soft. After walking around and enjoying that feeling again, I'd clean my feet off and then enjoy those socks =)
I could go on and on but I'm feeling pretty good, some smiling goin' on.
Maybe I'll make this list again for things I'd do in the first week/month/year.
-AjK, 11th March 2015